i'm leaving you for me. toxic destructive overload.
- elise gribbins
- Oct 14, 2019
- 5 min read
the moment you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do. life becomes easier when you accept an apology that you're never going to get.
i'm leaving you for, me.
and never looking back.
toxic relationships, something we all know a little bit about, or all about. at least that's what i'm here for. toxic seems to be my strong suit. you call it bad luck, i call it bad decisions. you get so used to someone telling you things that you even start to think it's true. but why do they even do this in the first place??? this person is suppose to LOVE you. not DESTROY you. so by definition, "a toxic relationship is characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and physically damaging. by insecurity, dominance, and control. in other words, they have a way with taking something from you or trying to hurt you.
toxic people are manipulative.
they are judgmental.
they take no responsibility for their own feelings.
they don't apologize.
they are inconsistent.
they make you prove yourself to them.
they make you defend yourself.
the thing about toxic relationships is you don't really know how toxic it was until you actually come out of it. no amount of advice will make you leave. you have to learn on your own. trust me, you will know when enough is enough. it took my son screaming crying in fear for me to leave. how pathetic is that??? pretty damn pathetic if you ask me. but i knew at that moment, i had to get away. my son didn't deserve to be around this. he deserved a happy mama, he deserves me at my best. so if being lonely and learning to be by myself all over again, then so be it. it had to be done despite my feelings. i think with every heartbreak we leave a little piece of ourselves with someone and we never really get it back. we all know it's never easy to let go. it's hard, heartbreaking, lonely, and draining. but after you do. you'll see life through a whole different perspective. don’t let someone who doesn’t know your value tell you what you’re worth. so until then, just remember....“the man or woman you choose to be your partner affects everything in your life: your mental health, your piece of mind, the love inside you, your happiness, how you get through tragedies, your success, how your children will be raised. and so much more. so please choose wisely.” -Steven Sullivan/LTLpage.
okay so how to deal with leaving a toxic relationship. but first let me congratulate you on at least getting this far, it may just be the most powerful thing you do. now here comes the hard part, sticking with it. your going to get lonely, so lonely you can feel it at the bottom of your stomach. when it's 3am and the whole world is sleeping but you can't. it's going to hurt. your going to feel things you haven't felt in a LONG time. so just TRY to be prepared. seek help, confide in your friends or family, and if you don't have that invest in anonymous, support or online chat groups. because the more you keep your feelings bottled up the worse it is. talk to somebody, express your feelings. spend time with others, be around positive people, who can keep you busy, and people you can trust (this was always my go-to). stay disconnected, i can't stress this one enough. don't go checking their social media accounts matter of fact don't even contact them. your peace is so much more important than driving yourself crazy trying to figure out why you weren't good enough or what the new girl has that you don't. let her figure it out on her own. take time to heal. the most important relationship we have in this life is with ourselves. it's OK to be alone. get used to being your own company again. because in the end, all i learned was how to be strong, alone. and it's only after not getting what you want, you'll finally get what you deserve.
-Elise Gribbins-
i asked some of my friends what advice they had for anybody about a toxic relationship and i was not disappointed...
"the hardest part about toxic relationships, is you don’t realize your in them usually till your neck deep in disaster. toxic people and relationships with take everything you value and love about yourself, and rob you of that. confidence, safety, security, piece of mind are all things we don’t realize how much we need tolls. it’s gone. you get so used to this brutal awful behavior it all becomes normal.. until your trying to explain a “small” fight or argument to a friend on the outside and they look at you worth horror in their eyes .. and it dawns on you that maybe it isn’t normal .even worse the being in them is trying to get away. you get to a point you know things are wrong and awful, but it’s almost like your used to the cycle of abuse. you live for it.. the constant merry go round of abuse followed by praise and makeups. because you’ve been conditioned to. you count on that praise .. and without all of it you finally notice how much has been stolen from you. and without the constant torture and tormenting your empty...it takes so long to repair what’s broken by toxic relationships.. it’s a daunting task. –Miranda Lynn
of course we want to listen when other people tell us to get away from it, but we always think there's hope... so we keep trying. at the end we're left in pieces and it's pretty much our own fault for letting it happen like it did. i had a guy who used to go through my dirty clothes. i let him do it because i knew he wouldn't find anything. He tried various things for a couple months looking for a reason to blame me for something and couldn't. so eventually he just started accusing me of things that never happened. after it was all said and done, i realized what he was doing. he didn't want to be around, so he was going to try and make it look like it was my fault that he left. i should have gave him up when i seen the signs instead of being worried about proving to him that i'm a good woman and that i can be trusted. I don't think anyone ever leaves until they're burnt out on being manipulated. he accused me of so many things that i caught myself wondering if he was right. one day i was home asleep but apparently he seen me in town with another guy... for a minute, i wondered if i had been anywhere with someone and just forgot. i questioned my own sanity. because of the way he had been treating me, i thought maybe i was the crazy one. that's when i knew it had to stop. -Shelli
my advice is, i learned the hard way that you cant make someone stay with you, care about you or love you back, no matter how much try. its gunna hurt bad, but if you're in a similar situation, force yourself to stay away from them, don't keep going back, cause after the pain and all the aftermath, you will heal and life will be much better in the long run. you'll find the person who is truly right for you even if you don't see it right then. -Ronnie
my advice is, "no matter how much you do for them, it will never be enough." -Anonymous
we all have a chemical imbalance so people try to mask with self medication. but we can fix it by meditation consistency and perseverance -Ricky
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